Pattern, English Version
by Oryn
Summary: Because Marty Deeks was always involved with his partners and Kensi Blye was always left by hers. Kensi/Deeks all the way. Deathfic. Written before 2.17 "Personal".


Story (in Indonesian) by Oryn.

English translation by Twice Born Balrog Slayer (because English has never been and never will be my forte). She takes full responsibility for grammatical error and please keep in mind that English is not her native language either.

Disclaimer: the usual, I don't own NCIS: LA.

Warning: possible OOC, major character death.

Author's note: It's just a plot bunny that wouldn't stop jumping in my brain until I wrote it down. I took some liberties with Deeks and Kensi's past. All the mistakes are mine. Review and constructive criticism are very much welcomed.

xox

Marty Deeks was always involved with his partners.

Involved, of course, in a sexual and/or romantic way.

That was unintentional, really. Deeks was willing to swear it upon everything that was holy and unholy.

He didn't know why that always happened to him, but that was just the way it was.

It all started when Deeks was still an intern in a law firm. Debra Sanders was not his partner; technically, the senior lawyer was his mentor. However, their relationship later developed into a mutual partnership and more; they sneaked into the a court's broom closet after winning a big case, the restroom in a restaurant, and their office's rooftop. All of those making out sessions were just done casually, and it was Debra herself who suggested Deeks to quit his job when he felt that being a lawyer was just not enough to help people.

Deeks' first partner in LAPD was Ruth Donahue, who treated him like he was her own son; that was, when they weren't busy ravishing each other's bodies in cheap motels or other various narrow places. Ruth was so possesive, and Deeks silently felt relief when his partner was changed to Claire Sullivans. With Claire, Deeks only got to second base. Then, from his next partner, Rani Banerjee, Deeks learnt about the art of Kamasutra and Tantric sex, both in theory and practice. He then taught them to Loretta Liu, his partner after Rani, and got some ancient Chinese love tricks in exchange.

Police department was the kind of workplace where everyone was strongly connected and linked, as well as blessed (or cursed) with sharp instinct. You could not really hide anything in that kind of place, and Deeks' Casanova-like adventure quickly became a public secret. That was one of the reasons why many cops hated him, and after being admonished by his superior, Deeks was transferred from burglary unit to vice.

Deeks got Micah Johnson as his new partner.

Micah was nice to him, too nice even. Well, his habit in investigating the background of women whom Deeks dated (and had dated) as well as his penchant for physical contact were a little bit too much, but those were something that Deeks could endure. Those were better than receiving cold glare or being ignored.

Until one day he tried to kiss him.

Deeks had hoped that he could blame the alcohol or something, but they both had been sober back then. He tried hard not to ask for a restraining order, and his superior, in desperation, threw him to undercover unit.

Out on the field, Deeks indeed worked by himself, but he had to report back to his handler, Jess Traynor. Jess was a determined and sympathetic woman, and Deeks was completely charmed. Whenever he had finished a mission and needed back to be Marty Deeks again, he went to Jess' apartment, and the rest was history.

Deeks had had this thought, that this time, with Jess, he could have a serious relationship. He already made future plans which mostly involving Jess, but he never had a chance to make them real; Jess was killed when a bomb planted in her car exploded.

NCIS then asked him to become a liaison officer between the agency and LAPD, and the latter, as well as Deeks, agreed. He needed something new, the second wind, or something like that.

Then, he was partnered with Kensi Blye.

There was no way that they could be involved. Or so Deeks thought.

Ha. Whom was he kidding?

It started when he rescued Kensi twice in a row; the first one was from those bastard Russian agents, and the second one was from Talbot the damn sociopath. Then, he saved Kensi's face, or rather her mental health, from having to spend Christmas Eve alone by asking her to help in the soup kitchen, although Kensi had pretended that there was nothing special about that. He also saved Kensi from stuffing herself with comfort food after she had been betrayed by her date.

Slowly, a deep sense of trust and mutual understanding grew between them. And something else entirely.

That time, Deeks could really blame the alcohol in his system when he tried to kiss Kensi after she had given him a lift from the bar. However, on the next week, when Deeks was going to frisk her, looking for sweet delicacies which he suspected were hidden by Kensi under her clothes, their bodies became so close. Too close. And it was Kensi who initiated the kiss. Passionately.

At that moment, they realized that they both wanted it, whatever it was, and more. So much more.

Deeks never asked Kensi to go out with him on a date or something like that; their relationship was defined by unspoken agreement. They only knew that they were really important to each other, that this was something right to do.

xox

Kensi Blye was always left by her partners.

And by left, it meant permanently. In other words, her partners always died, one way or another.

Among all of the NCIS agents, she's the one who was most often got her partner changed because of that particular reason.

She did not know why; really, it was like sort of just happened to her. No rhyme or reason.

After she became a federal agent and passed the training program, Kensi was placed at the head office of NCIS in Washington DC. Her first partner was Joseph Kendall, a veteran agent who was only two or three years younger than her father, if he had been alive. Joseph actually still had three or four years before his retirement, but a well-fired bullet from the brother of a criminal he caught had made him retired early from life.

Hetty came to Kensi's life and brought her to Los Angeles to join NCIS OSP. After working alone for some times, Kensi got Quentin Whitaker as her partner; a senior agent whose penchant for eating sweet snacks during surveillance had gotten into her. Quentin had been her partner for almost a year when he was found dead at his home; his body was adorned with multiple stab wounds from a robber's knife.

Harry Paulson was Kensi's next partner. Since the beginning, Kensi never got along well with him. That man was too conservative, stuck up and his views toward women were rather old-fashioned. Kensi also hated his patronizing preaches and unsolicited advices. Nonetheless, she still felt a slight twinge of sadness when Harry died in a car accident; ironically, the car that hit him had been driven by a woman.

At that time, Kensi was already wondered about why her partners were never last long, and she even considered asking Hetty to stop giving her partners. But Hetty gave her Kelly Hayes as her next partner, and Kensi relented. Perhaps, she thought, her luck (or bad luck, for that matter) would change since Kelly was a woman.

Kelly turned out to be one of the best partners Kensi ever had during her career in NCIS. They both were like sisters; they grew up among military families, and they studied in the same majors. They became close in no time, and that friendship continued outside work. Kel-si, people called them back then. Kelly had even asked Kensi to become her bridesmaid, but Kensi never had a chance to do that. Kelly died after falling ten-stories from her apartment balcony; her fiancee had accidentally pushed her to death in their last argument.

Kensi, half-desperately, asked Hetty to stop giving her partners and just let her work alone, since she was capable doing the job by herself, and she could always ask for backup from Callen and Sam. But Hetty refused her request, and instead named Dominic Vail as Kelly's replacement.

Kensi did not expect much from Dom, who was a new agent. She also tried to keep their distance; their relationship was purely professional. But Kensi slowly found herself befriending Dom, who reminded her of Kelly in some ways. Aside from Sam, Kensi was the most devastated when Dom was kidnapped. They tried so hard to find him, but when they finally did, Dom died as a hero, protecting Sam.

People do not have to be geniuses to track where I have been, Kensi thought bitterly one day, because I always leave some marks which are my partners' gravestones everywhere I go.

Then, she was partnered with Marty Deeks.

Well, actually they were more than just partners but that didn't need to be analyzed too closely.

One thing for sure, Kensi desperately hoped that whatever things had befallen on her partners would never ever happen to Deeks.

No. Never.

Because she did not know what would happened if Deeks left too.

He was already meant the world to her.

She needed much more time than she did with Dom and Kelly, just to let Deeks entered her heart, she had already built a sturdier fortress around it. But, little by little, with all those big and small things Deeks had done for her, he succesfully wormed his way past her defenses and carved a special spot for him in her heart and soul, he got in deeper than anybody else had ever gotten.

Slowly, Kensi became brave enough to let herself be vulnerable in front of Deeks, while his presence only was enough to make her felt comfortable, needed, and loved. His incessant babble was still annoying, yet made her missing it if it was absent. Every time she looked into Deeks' bright blue eyes and lost in their depth, she felt warmth radiating through her heart. And every time she went to sleep or woke up in Deeks' arms, she always thought that what they had was special, and she would not regret it.

Once, Kensi recalled that one time when Deeks had asked her two questions. First, how many partners had she had, and second, was she really a jinx for all her previous partners; the widowmaker or such. Those were jokingly asked, and Kensi had forgiven Deeks for being oblivious. She just brushed out the questions, although she could not really forget them.

This time, she decided that if one of them should leave, it must be her. Now that was right.

xox

Life often throws inexplicable things at you.

Humans can only try to understand, logically deduce them, and when all logic fails, they desperately look for any explanations or justifications that will suffice. Because humans always want to understand, or at least feel that they have understood the reason of why something happens. Perhaps they think that, by understanding, it becomes more bearable or something.

But still, life often sucks.

Like this one time.

It was a usual raid. They swarmed a building in a warehouse complex which was suspected as the lair of a terrorist group, who had planned to destroy some areas in the city by bombs. LAPD team also involved, and the cops did not look too happy every time they had to coordinate with Deeks, the official liaison officer for NCIS and LAPD. Deeks really enjoyed his role, and Kensi bet that before the day was ended, there was gonna be someone from LAPD who would punch him. But Deeks just calmly said that that was fine, since there was Kensi who would kiss him and make him better.

Yeah, right.

They prepared themselves then simultaneously infiltrated the building from each and every possible entry, and everything went south from there.

Their enemies really took their creed "terrorize, or die trying" seriously. The LAPD and NCIS joint team was assaulted by bullets and the occasional throwing of Molotov cocktails, and Callen quickly called for assistance. He ordered all team members to hold their positions while waiting for the bigger backup.

Kensi had been hiding behind a car when she saw the danger. One red laser spot was lingering on Deeks' forehead, marked him as a target. Kensi acted fast, she leaped out of her hiding spot to pull Deeks to safety. But that act had exposed her to the enemy.

Everything happened so quickly, though it seemed like in slow motion for the parties involved.

When Deeks saw Kensi approached him from the corner of his eye, he turned his face and gasped when he saw a little red spot dancing on the side of her face. Without thinking, he quickly grabbed Kensi's arm, caught her, and reversed their position, made his back fully exposed to the red laser spot.

From a distance, a bark of a rifle was heard.

Deeks' choked scream was somewhere between hurt and surprised.

A sound of short range gunshot was heard later, followed by the dull sound of a fallen body; his rifle fell after him.

Kensi half-dragged Deeks to a safe spot behind container boxes. She quickly reloaded her gun, letting Deeks laid down on the concrete floor. He needs a break, she thought. Eventhough he wore a Kevlar vest, getting hit by a bullet was still painful.

"Deeks," Kensi called softly, "are you okay?"

She had expected to get a familiar light, half-joked response from Deeks. Instead, he groaned painfully and his blue eyes radiated confusion as well as pain and fear, as he made an attempt to get up and failed.

Deeks put his palm on his chest, and Kensi instantly felt cold as if she was drenched by ice water when she saw red liquid seeped through Deeks' fingers.

The bullet had penetrated his Kevlar.

Fuck.

"Kensi…" Deeks moaned pitifully.

"Attention. All unit charge. Backup force has come and surrounded the target," Callen's voice rang through the earpiece, and Kensi was torn.

"Go," Deeks said softly; he had heard it too.

Kensi looked at him as if to say "are you out of your mind?". She took out a roll of sterile bandage from her pocket and tried her best to stop the bleeding.

A series of shooting near their hiding spot finally made her decide.

"I'll clear this area first. Just hang on, okay?" Kensi squeezed Deeks' free hand, sending a hopeful glance and for the first time since a long time, she started praying.

Deeks mumbled a weak affirmation.

"I'll kick your sorry ass if you give up. You hear me?" Kensi said half-threateningly, her last words choked in her throat, she failed to hide how worried she was.

"Okay…" Deeks replied with great difficulty, "Fern."

Kensi released a voice that sounded like a cross between laughter and cry. She called the command center, briefly told them that someone was hurt and needed medical attention immediately. She looked closely at Deeks for a short while, before went to find whoever that had aimed to kill them.

Kensi fought insanely after that, eliminating anyone who dared to shoot at her with deadly accuracy and efficiency. Hell had nothing compared to the wrath of a hurt and vengeful woman.

After she had killed some terrorists who were in the vicinity and she had convinced that the area was clear, Kensi rushed back to the spot where she left Deeks. And what she found crushed her heart.

Deeks was still lying there, umoving, pale as a dove, with cold sweats broke out all over his body. His hand was still on his wound, but he could only apply weak pressure, letting the blood flowing profusely. Beneath his body, a pool of dark red blood was slowly forming; each widening wave took him further and further away from life.

Kensi kneeled by his side and said, "Hey."

She put her hands on the top of Deeks', helped him to press on his wound, although she was not sure whether he still had a chance.

Where are those damn paramedics when I need them?

Deeks painstakingly opened his clouded eyes, tried to clear his vision until he slowly recognised Kensi's form. He made an effort to smile, but Kensi's respond was more like a sad grimace.

Deeks took several breaths, then coughed. A small rivulet of blood flew out from the corner of his mouth, and Kensi swept it away. Tears started to blur Kensi's vision and she wiped them out angrily.

Deeks stared at Kensi and gave her an inexplicable look, before he summoned what was left of his strength and managed to say clearly, albeit in a soft voice, "Sorry."

Only one word, but Kensi could hear his other words that were unspeakable.

I'm sorry for all that I've done to you.

I'm sorry I can't protect you anymore.

I'm sorry I don't have a chance to say 'I love you'.

I'm sorry I hurt you again.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

"Deeks…" Kensi called him, her voice was hoarse; that name tasted bittersweet on her tongue.

Don't make me say goodbye anymore, please.

Don't…

Deeks closed his eyes and his face contorted painfully. Kensi hated to admit it, but she knew that he was dying.

Kensi lowered her body and kissed Deeks' lips softly. There was a slight salty-metallic taste of blood there, but she did not care. She kissed him deeply, as if by doing that she could transfer half of her life into his body.

From a distance, Kensi heard someone called paramedics, but she knew that it was too late.

For a moment that felt like forever, Kensi cradled Deeks' body, painfully aware that Deeks' hands were not returning her hug. She listened to each and every breath Deeks took that caressed her cheek, counted them one by one as blessings, until they became slower, and finally Deeks exhaled the air and didn't inhale again. And at that exact moment, she knew that he had let go of his life.

Marty Deeks, her partner, lover and best friend, had gone. Forever.

She didn't even have any strength left just to shout "no", because she knew that this was really happened and there was nothing she could do to reverse that.

She knew that a part of her had died with him as she released heartbreaking sobs. She cried for Deeks, for herself, for everything. She cried silently until she had to struggle for breath and her whole body trembled. She thought she had been already immune to things like this, but she was terribly wrong. It was so damn painful; she felt it inside her chest, the familiar feeling of grief that still hurt. Paralyzing. Agonizing.

It seemed like forever until her sobs ceased and she released Deeks' body. His body was still warm, and if Kensi didn't know that his heart had stopped beating, she probably would think that he was still alive, that he only fell asleep. His face looked so peaceful, until it felt unfair.

Why is this happened? Kensi protested inwardly.

"Why?" She whispered to whoever that would hear.

Faintly, as if brought by the stray wind, there was an answer echoing in her ears and she closed her eyes, listening. Sorrowfully.

Because Marty Deeks was always involved with his partners,and Kensi Blye always left by hers.

xox

THE END


End file.
